i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
