Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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