she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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