Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you will always have a special place in my vag
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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