You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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