found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
