I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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