So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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