You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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