Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Randomize
