I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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