my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
