Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize