I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
why is half of my head shaved?
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