I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
