I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
