The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
