I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
