At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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