Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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