You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
