I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
