you have to choose: penises or morals?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
