she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
