why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You can't motorboat a personality
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
