I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
