I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
