I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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