you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
worst night to have a conscience
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be still, my beating vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize