I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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