This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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