My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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