I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
