guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
