and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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