Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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