No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
