dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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