$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
