I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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