if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
