I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
