I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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