Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
