I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
