I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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