Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
