The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
