just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
