The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
