Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
