I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
