Please, let me fuck your mom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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