So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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