im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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