He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
