so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
