Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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