and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
