I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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