I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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