i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
