how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
