So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
