I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
