Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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