I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
