rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
