Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
