Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
