ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
