exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
