'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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