my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
