Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize