Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
